Bookathon - F

 So many F authors.. F Scott Fitzgerald. Janet Frame. Dick Francis. Well not really. I don't read them, far too drear. I go for Funny books. 

My pick most people might not even know as an author, as most know her as Princess Leia in Star Wars. F is for Carrie Fisher. 

Carrie Fisher, apart from being a movie icon (descended from Hollywood royalty - Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher), was also known as Hollywood's leading script doctor, and author of several interesting novels - Postcards from the Edge, The Best Awful, Surrender the Pink and Delusions of Grandma. Postcards from the Edge was made into a movie starring Meryl Streep (aka Carrie) and Shirley Maclaine (aka Carrie's mum Debbie) but of course all their names were changed in the novel. You just know Carrie was mining her real life story for all these books. She once wrote, and I quote her because she is oh-so- quotable 'If my life wasn't funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable' .. and this classic bon mot 'Instant gratification takes too long' 

Because Carrie is no longer with us, she suffered despite being world famous, from the plague of famous people the world over - drug addiction. And mental illness on top of that. She was famous from before birth because of her parents and her pictures plastered all over the tabloids and movie magazines of the day (50s and 60s) as American's sweethearts until Eddie Fisher had it off with the widowed Elizabeth Taylor. Debbie did not like that. Carrie was all of two years old. This trauma led to emotional problems and manic depression (now known as bipolar disorder - something we can now blame parental neglect for) which in turn lead to self-medicating or drug abuse. Cocaine was the A-list drug of the 80s amongst celebs, and everyone did it. 

However, writing, it turned out (not becoming a world famous Star Wars princess) was Carrie's salvation. Her novels are rip roaring reads. If you don't get all the references, that's just too bad because only super intelligent people can keep up with Ms Fisher. Or movie buffs. However it's not her semi-autobiographical roman-a-clef confessional novels that win first place on my shelf. It's this little gem of a book that is completely honest yet hilarious at the same time called Wishful Drinking. 

It's a very short book and can be read in one sitting with a can of diet coke. For non readers, Carrie made it into a one woman show, which can be seen on You-tube. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll never watch Star Wars again. 

Unfortunately her later sequels -Shockaholic (she gets electric shock treatment) and The Princess Diarist (she confesses she was confusingly in love with Harrison Ford after all, but he was just a user) don't have the same soul baring power as Wishful Drinking did. But still, one needs to confess all before one dies and go out with a bang. 

Bookathon - E

 E is the hardest letter for surnames. I want to say T S Eliot because he's so literary, but I confess I have only ever read Old Possums Book of Practical Cats and never picked up The Waste Land (it didn't appeal to me...one look at the title and I thought it would just be a waste of time).

I was very much tempted to buy a copy of Old Possum's book of Practical Cats with replacement money for the library but ended up buying two Roald Dahl books, The Tale of Peter Rabbit and the latest Road Code instead. I am now regretting that I did not go and buy it because I really think it's a fun read. 

This copy had charming colour illustrations by Alex Scheffler (of the Gruffalo fame) and I have always been partial to cats. These cats are so practical, they end up starring in an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical and make lots of money for the West End. But you don't have to go very far to see them if you do live in London, street cats are everywhere. Of recent times, the Streetcat named Bob was well loved, and used to ride on the red double decker busses with his owner James Bowen, and even starred in a movie, in which author Jacqueline Wilson made a cameo. Because James had written a book about how this cat saved him from drug addiction, became super famous, and even had a seek and find books published with him hiding in the pages, like Where's Wally. I don't live in London, but big sis does and she went to a cat show and got Bob's pawtograph for me. 

I think Bob deserves a poem in Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats just like MacCavity, Rumtumtiger, Skimbleshanks, Grizabella, Jennyanydots and Old Deuteronomy. It is too bad T S Eliot is no longer alive so I can write and say please compose a poem about my beloved cat Fluffy. Of course he would have probably changed her name it to a more ear pleasing one like he did with Magical Mister Mistoffolees. 

You do not need to watch the disastrous movie version in which Americans played most of the cats. If you have the book, you can read the poems yourself in your best British accent and put on your own musical. A book is a very practical thing to have. I think I will go to the bookstore and buy it anyway, why not? Then read it out loud to our blind and low vision children. They'll love it. 

Bookathon - D

 Whaea Selina's favourite author, clues

Find the lucky golden ticket

School girl takes on evil Principal

All our furniture is stuck to the ceiling

It's so hard to find a krap when you have dyslexia

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children

This medicine is made up of whatever you find in the cupboard

Giraffes are good at washing windows

??

Bookathon - C

 Cathy Cassidy. Catherine Cookson. Clive Cussler. 

No I haven't read any of these. I looked in Whitcoulls yesterday and could really only come up with Paulo Coehlo and Eric Carle, who famously wrote in the book world some one-hit-wonders that eclipsed everything else they ever wrote.  The Alchemist is one of those books that every graduate should read in their 20's figuring out what to do with their life. It sold millions of copies worldwide and is translated from the original Portuguese. 

The Caterpillar that Ate Too Much Junk Food on the other hand is a staple of the Year 1 reading group. I am sure that voracious caterpillar has since celebrated it's 50th birthday.   I won't spoil the ending this time..

Then I looked further along the shelves and found out the NZ section was separate, and all our kiwi authors were huddled together on their own island. Elizabeth Catton, Joy Cowley, Barry Crump, and Deborah Challinor.

I pick Deborah Challinor for our C author today. Firstly because her books are not as fat as Elizabeth Catton's and you don't need to be an English major to understand them. Joy Cowley's Greedy Cat can be read in under 3 minutes. And Barry Crump's yarns, while rollicking, are a bit marred by allegations of marital abuse. He was a great possum/deer hunter, but wasn't so good at the marriage thing.

Deborah Challinor writes historical fiction set in these here parts, and while there is some elements of hormonal chicklit in them that has you rolling your eyes a bit, for the most part they are enjoyable reads. I would recommend the From the Ashes/The Restless years series which is set in Auckland from the 1950s because I quite like to imagine what Auckland was like back then and nobody has ever really written a story about that period where men worked hard all day then drank like pigs until 6 o'clock and the women had to do all the housework and wait on them hand and foot. They didn't have cars back then, being unaffordable but they did have a very good public transport system i.e the trams. There was also the Vietnam War, and nobody ever writes about that either, but kiwis did go and were traumatised just as they were mass slaughtered in Gallipoli. Also, if you were Maori back then you got awfully snobbed by the English. 

It all sounds quite terrible but then whoever said history was neat and tidy. They lived through it all and like all sagas you go on reading wanting to know just what happens next. Thank you Deborah Challinor for bringing it to life. I could just about go to Queen Street and imagine working in the department stores there and living in a state house in Orakei or starting up my own knitting business. Or trying to keep an incestuous relationship secret ? Or even, what it's like to be trans in Kings Cross. (There are some trans-Tasman cross over stories when life in NZ gets too tough, the kiwis cross the ditch to Australia for some relief and Dame Edna Everage/Priscilla type adventures). 

Otherwise there's several other series Challinor has written that I might immerse myself in at some point because the past is quite another undiscovered country. Those now uncovering the Aotearoa NZ Histories Curriculum might to well to assign some of her novels as required reading and ask the question - did this really happen??

Bookathon - B

 B is for The Baby-Sitters Club. Never heard of them? Where have you been?

Well actually Dear Reader, I have been to the bookshop and because all books begin with the letter B surely I can pick anything I like. Oh alright. Let's go with one of the essentials of the literary canon, the Bronte sisters. Minus their alcoholic brother, Branwell. He didn't write anything as he was too drunk to string together coherent sentences.

The Bronte sisters lived in the desolate moors of Yorkshire in the 19th century and were Charlotte, Emily and Anne. Their father was a vicar and they were poor as church mice. However they were as enterprising as they were bored and made up stories and poems of their own, which they would attempt to self-publish without much success. When they were young they made up an imaginary place called 'Angria' peopled with Angrians in their juvenilia. Because it was so hard to get published as women, they chose pen-names which were pretty disastrous like Currer, Ellis and Acton Bell. I know. What men do you know with names like those? 

However it was Emily who was the poet who got published first, before dramatically dying of TB. Her only novel was Wuthering Heights. It's about Cathy and Heathcliff and ghosts and passion, and is every bit as thrilling as you expect the wild moors of Yorkshire to be when you meet the love of your life after living in isolation for so long. They don't tell their own story though, it's related through the gossiping housekeeper, because at the end they *spoiler* die. But never fear, it's fiction so they can always come back as ghosts.

Charlotte, the older sister, was a lot more prolific, or possibly it's just because she lived longer, and wrote several novels with poor church mice protagonists, her most famous being Jane Eyre who was orphaned as well. Parents tended to die young in those days, their own mother had long succumbed to the dampness of the moors. I don't need to tell you the sypnosis of Jane Eyre because any self-respecting reader would have read this classic, if not seen the movie starring Anna Paquin, and known about the *spoiler* first wife hidden in the attic. 

That leaves Anne, often overlooked, but actually I liked her the most. She was real and wrote Agnes Grey which was about the lot of poor governesses which is not unlike the lot of poor teachers who teach wealthy spoiled children in private schools. I don't need to tell you that that arrangement can only end badly. She doesn't end up marrying her boss unlike Jane Eyre, who's famous line 'Reader, I married him' has you almost throwing the book away in despair. However this is compensated by Mr Rochester's dog, and the ashes of his first wife, and the fact that he is blind and can't see. He needs Jane Eyre just as much as she needs a place to live that's warm and dry.

Yes unfortunately all three sisters died young of TB that came from living in the uninsulated wet, wild, Yorkshire moors but they did briefly make ends meet by writing these awesome books that are still being read by readers today that know how to look after books properly. 

Bookathon - A

 I'm missing a letter A from my alphabet tray. Some kid must have pocketed it while I was handing out the letters, and taken it home. Maybe their name starts with 'A'. I have been looking for it for several weeks but it's not likely it will be found. 

I play this game with the year 1s. They close their eyes and I drop a wooden letter in their outstretched hands, and when they open them they all have a letter, then they have to find a book with that letter on it. It is the easiest game ever, and safe to say that most kids know their alphabet in year 1 and can locate a book with the letter on it. They then bring their book up to the issues desk and get their book issued and a stamp on their hand. 

The picture books are all organised by surname letter, though some libraries have done an about turn and don't go by alphabet, but categories, so all the princess books are together, and all the dinosaur books. I hadn't got around to doing that, but simple 26 alphabet letters seem sufficient for beginners. 

I've decided to do my bookathon this year by alphabet, so I'll have 26 authors possibly enough for the month of June, one for each day and 4 extras, to share with you. I'd loosely go by alphabet surname, but at a stretch if their name has a letter in it I would count it. 

So let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. 

A is for Atwood, Margaret. 

When looking at the A's in the fiction section, I make a beeline for anything by Margaret Atwood. Or I used to, not so much now, but she is one author who you can be guaranteed would draw you into a complete world. She was born in 1939, which makes her ancient, or wise, depending on your point of view, is Canadian (also, a point in her favour) and writes mostly about women. I think she was a feminist before that was even fashionable. She's a poet, and essayist, critic, but mostly a novelist, and her most famous novel is The Handmaid's Tale, a dystopian fiction set in the future world of the Republic of Gilead, where everyone is devastated by a nuclear holocaust and women have been enslaved by the men for reproductive purposes. Of course that's already happening in Islam and Mormon communities, but Atwood makes it happen in the future to Canadians who are normally so law abiding and nice that it becomes quite macabre. 

It has since turned into a Netflix series, which I haven't seen, but there is a sequel called The Testaments where one of the characters called Aunt Lydia tells what happens after she escapes a public hanging. Or something. I remember one scene in The Handmaid's Tale where Offred (she's married to Fred) rebels and plays a game of forbidden Scrabble. Women aren't allowed to read in the new regime of course. 

They all dress like nuns and aren't allowed to have fun while they are mating. I am not sure what possessed Margaret Atwood to write a novel like this, but it's possibly the same impulse that Suzanne Collins had while she was writing The Hunger Games. 

Its not my most favourite of Atwood's oeuvre, that place in my heart belongs to Cat's Eye. Which I long to see made into a movie, but who knows, maybe one day. Could Peter Jackson direct it? You'd have to find a bunch of 9 year old girls though, because it's about childhood, growing up, and bullying.

Cat's Eye is semi- autobiographical, as there are some similarities to Atwood's own life growing up during World War 2 in Toronto, with an entomologist father who was a bit unconventional. She didn't end up becoming a scientist though but it's said God spoke to her and told her to become a writer. In the novel, the narrator becomes an artist. It's a bildingsroman of a sort and it's about memories, of a best friend/enemy who goes missing and the sort of girl bullying that unfortunately still happens even when you grow up and leave school (or go back to it, in my case) which never really leaves you. I've wondered what happens to Cordelia in the end. You'll have to read it and make up your own mind. 

 Atwood has written so many books, though I have surely read most all of her work up past the 90s. She came for a writers festival once promoting The Blind Assassin about a button factory worker..if I recall. And there was also Alias Grace, about a murderess and mesmerism. She wrote several short stories too. In Lady Oracle, a writer fakes her own death. In Surfacing, a woman goes feral in the wilderness. Oryx and Crake was the start of a  sci -fi trilogy. The Robber Bride was about a real life fairy tale villainess called Zenia who treacherously nearly destroys the lives of three of her naive friends until they all wise up and she has a dramatic comeuppance. I think that was the most satisfying of endings when *spoiler* the bad girl gets literally blown up. 

Of course all these books are a bit too adult for year 1s. She did write a picture book called 'Princess Prunella and the Purple Peanut' that mostly consisted of sentences all starting with P... but I think anyone aged 16 or over should start reading anything by Margaret Atwood cos she really is an Amazing Author. Canadians possibly hate her because she always wins Booker Prizes and awards and is so prominent in the literary scene and hasn't put down her pen yet. 

Comedy Club

 A friend took me to the comedy club on the weekend for late night laughs. 

I am seriously thinking of joining the ranks, after all, isn't public humiliation good for the soul? Lots of people make fun of me all the time, why not join them and earn some tips at the same time? 

I made a list of all the things people have made fun of me for, seriously, this could be the start of a 15 minute comedy routine. 

Here's my list.

I am a JAFA. Yes I am from Auckland. Everyone outside of Auckland hates Aucklanders and makes fun of us. We're used to it. But can this explain why everyone wants to live here? 

I'm also from Henderson. You would not believe how being from Henderson makes Hendos the butt of all jokes. I have not heard the same thing being said of Swanson or Ranui or Massey people. Is it because we're special?

Skinny. Yes unfortunately this is a constant thing that people comment on. I know, I can never gain weight, but why is this funny? I am not deliberately trying to look malnourished. Come on.

Librarian. This is somehow funny too. People have strange ideas about us, but librarians have seen and read it all before, so you can't pull anything on us.

Asian. Out with the tiger mother jokes, and of course, our bad english. Although being an English major myself, I wonder if I am deliberately trying to buck the stereotype. But at least I am not translating Shakespeare into Shanghai (Chloe Gong) or E M Forster into Singapore (Kevin Kwan). I try to be original.

Female. Of course #metoo. I understand. It is hard to not notice, that yes, I am one of those. 

Christian. Yes we are a peculiar people and there is a reason  why there is a fish symbol on my car. If by chance you crash into me and I die, I would give you my bleeding heart and my last breath.

Working all this into a set might take a bit of work. Instead of this, couldn't I just sing something badly off key on karaoke? I have been practising Tiffany's classic pop version of " I think we're alone now". I was thinking this would be the perfect song to sing two floors up from the library where the music room is, instead of constantly hearing strains of 'I believe in miracles, you sexy thing' being practiced on trombones while the seniors are trying to study.

It starts off  with the lyric 'Children behave...." and goes downhill from there.